If you’ve ever read the book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill written in 1938, you may remember a story where he describes a person who wanted to be in the home of the US president. I don’t remember the story exactly but it demonstrated the idea of “thoughts become things”. When you really want something and believe it is possible, you will live life to make it happen.
This week will mark four years since my separation and begins the last year of my 40s. The last four years have been the hardest, best, but most importantly transformative years of my life. I have shared much of it on social media as my ENFP personality loves attention. I also shared my journey to uplift others who might not be brave enough to reach out for help themselves but needed the encouragement and an example to keep putting one foot in front of the other remembering “this too shall pass”.
Posting a “resume” on Facebook - one that will put it all out there - letting friends and family know - I am looking for and ready to receive love is probably the scariest, most daring thing I have ever done socially, but I am jumping off the diving board and going for it. (I HATE HEIGHTS.)
Of course, the act itself is not scary. It’s merely taking a screen shot of something I’ve written and putting it out for the universe and all my 1000+ Facebook friends to see. The hard part is being both authentic and vulnerable about what I want in the face of judgment.
Years ago, people would have been ashamed about using online dating to “connect” with another person out of concern others would judge them as “desperate”. Now, it is estimated one out of three single people will meet their partner this way.
Something I haven’t shared with many people is that I ended up with Adam, my ex-husband because of Jdate, an online dating site for Jewish people. Back in 1997, I’d been dating someone who wasn’t Jewish but really wanting to marry someone Jewish. When I felt like I’d exhausted the entire supply of Jewish men in the Tampa area, I heard about Jdate. Back then, it was free and we really could date anonymously. There were no cell phones and digital pictures were hard to come by. I posted my profile with the pseudonym “aligator” and described myself as “a fit, Jewish girl” ( in a nutshell). I was so embarrassed I didn’t even tell my friends I’d done it. As a result, I reconnected with someone I would doubtfully have met as we lived in separate cities and then spent more than 17 years together. It turns out we not only knew each other but had actually gone on a date back in college.
Had I not stepped outside my comfort zone, we wouldn’t have co-created our three amazing girls (who are no doubt going to be mortified with what I’m doing).
That said, when I make up my mind to accomplish something, I might be described as fairly tenacious. (The exception of course lies in whether it’s legal or moral. I’m still a rule follower ;).)
As single people, we are bombarded with dating coaches, self help programs, online dating, match makers, singles events, etc. to find love. Not only do we live a culture that emphasizes couple hood but I believe we were created to be in partnership with another person. Not just for procreation but for the growth we can attain when we have a partner to journey through life with.
I am not seeking a partner because I “need” a person to complete me or to take care of me. I am seeking a partner to journey through life with. To be by my side when my children leave the nest, when my parents pass and when age brings about changes to my body.
I envy the people who go to a high school reunion and reunite with a past love. Since I have moved literally across country, the chances are slim I will “bump into” someone from my past or someone I knew from high school.
I learned in a seminar I took, Landmark Education’s The Forum, we regret the things in life we don’t do more than the things we do so I have decided to step completely outside my own comfort zone and challenge even my own ego in an effort to find “my person”.
I hope this is the beginning of a new trend where others will put themselves out there and feel comfortable sharing what they’d like. After all, we can ask for a recommendation for a doctor or a place to vacation. I believe as much as social media keeps us disconnected, it is also an amazing tool for “connection”. At least that’s what I’m hoping for.